89) Girls and boys

I recently had a conversation with J which made me a little bit sad. He was talking about something, and added a comment about “but I don’t play with that, because that’s a girl’s toy”. I feigned innocence and asked him if there were really different toys for boys and girls. I rattled off a list of different toys, and he correctly labelled them as a “boy’s toy”, or a “girl’s toy” if we’re following traditional gender stereotypes.

Apparently, there are even different TV programs for boys and girls too! I asked him about a number of shows, and he again told me whether they were for boys or for girls. Some of the shows he used to watch when he was a bit younger are now labelled as “girls’ shows”, and he said he doesn’t want to watch them anymore.

Raising him so far, we’ve never told him to not play with a toy, or to not watch a show because it’s only for girls. I’m totally fine if he wants to play with dolls, or if he wants to watch a stereotypical girls’ show like Shimmer & Shine. Kids are kids, and I don’t feel it’s my job to tell him that he can’t do something just because it doesn’t conform to traditional gender roles.

Admittedly, having two boys, we do tend to have more stereotypical boys’ toys such as cars, but they are toys that J, and E have gravitated toward naturally. From the time J was about 16 months old up until a bit after 24 months, he used to scream with delight, and do a little dance whenever Trucktown was on. E did almost the exact same thing, but with him, it was Paw Patrol, and Blaze & The Monster Machines. They showed an interest in cars, so we bought them die-cast cars. If they had of showed the same interest in My Little Pony, I would have bought them pony figures. If it was Barbie, then it would have been dolls.

I guess my point is that he’s learning, and realizing that there are gender differences. I’m a bit sad because someone, probably peers at school, are influencing him to think that it’s socially unacceptable for him to play with certain toys, or watch certain shows because “they’re for girls”. I don’t want him to be ostracized for being different, and I’m trying to teach him to value & celebrate everyone’s differences, because everyone is not the same and that is fine. On the other hand, I don’t necessarily want him to conform just for the sake of conformity. It’s perfectly find to colour within the lines, but there’s also nothing wrong with colouring outside of them. It’s a delicate balancing act.