85) On the passage of time, blog neglect, and perfectionism

2019. How did we get this far into the future? I remember the 90’s lasting for ever, but now it seems like time is accelerating. Maybe this is a side-effect of getting older. When you’re young, you take things as they come. When you’re an adult, you’re consciously thinking about the future. What’s next? When are my bills due? When is my next vacation? When is the next statutory holiday? You set all of these lampposts ahead of yourself to plan out your life, and the lives of your family. Perhaps because of this, you’re not as concerned about the monotonous days in between. You’re looking ahead to the next “thing” in your life that’s not a wake-shower-commute-work-commute-eat-put the kids to bed-pass out from exhaustion routine.

It’s January, and I feel like I’ve neglected this blog for too long. The last time I really wrote something of substance was in November. Last month, I wrote a compilation post of some things that happened in November that I hadn’t had a chance to write about, but I haven’t written about December at all. I know a few things that I wanted to put down, but others are ideas in the wind because I didn’t write, nor did I make an outline of what I wanted to write.

Those who know me well recognize that one of my personality traits is perfectionism. It’s a blessing, and a curse, but mostly a curse. I build things up, and want them to be a certain way, and I’m upset or disappointed if they fail to reach my own lofty expectations. For the most part, all of my writing for this space is “off the cuff” in terms of that I think of an idea about which I want to write, and I sit down and write it. No rough drafts, no extreme polishing, just words. I feel that it’s good to challenge myself to form something concrete, and put it “out there”, even though it may not be perfect. But I do struggle when I’ve lost an idea, or don’t recall details. I’ve been consistent with updating this space, but now I feel guilty about having lost some thoughts or specifics about December 2018. There’s now a bit of a hole in our story, and I’m not going to recall everything, but I’m going to try to fill in the gaps, and get caught up.